Karpman Drama Triangle is Alive and Well in Projects
Blog Warning. You may find out something about yourself and….I had trouble keeping to a word limit on this post. I’m not apologizing, it’s just a warning.
I was witness to a memo today, only because of the high level of distress it caused in a colleague of mine. A classic all time smoke and mirrors job. Old school style really, but you still see it. The recipient’s names were not even attached, they were referred to as positions not people, no use of their personal names, and their position titles were incorrectly identified. “A Classic” and it was written by..... "Ahhh, I’m not going there….I don’t play those games"
It was unclear, it had no alignment to strategic or operational priorities and showed no concern for the welfare of this high performing and autonomous team. There was absolutely no respect or regard for these professionals or their work contribution. It was old school management operating in a contemporary paradigm.
So why do we still see this? Well let’s just say that in this case that person has been in a very senior role for a long time. You have to wonder why have they being perversely incentivized. That is, bad behaviour gets rewarded.
In discussion with my colleague, it was easy for me to be hooked into the saviour role, her level of distress was genuinely warranted. At a deeper level, it appeared like she may become the victim, the CEO was the bully and I began to assume the role of rescuer. But wait there is more…. I had no life jacket ….no rope….and no real desire to be taken down as well.
On this occasion, my role was to validate her feelings, express concerns about the situation and help her focus on what she had power, influence and control. It seems a little non-empathic, but it is reality. High performance people don’t hang on to negative people. You have 2 choices, stay or leave.
In the corporate, government and small business world poor management practice still exists and will for a long time yet to come. I’m being upfront. It is. Look at the behaviours of our officials in government. Look at what goes on in the tea room/coffee shop or smokers shack at work. What gets said?
Simply covert and overt bullying and conflict is not managed well.
Project teams are at enormous risk. People move from project to project and business to business.
One thing that you must understand is this. You must understand the interplay. If you don’t, you will be played, and the injuries and losses aren’t pretty.
The Karpman Drama Triangle was originally conceived by Stephen Karpman and was used to plot the interplay and behavioural moves between 2 or more people in conflict. I suggest you read his work.
The most common office and project team game that I observe is the game called the "Dysfunctional Triangle". There are three players: the Victim, the Persecutor, and the Rescuer.
What makes this dysfunctional triangle game interesting is that everyone changes roles.
In fact this model is used to describe bullying in schools and to help kids change their behaviours. This model is also used in domestic violence counseling. The paradigm has enormous merit.
I have taught this model to most of my clients and teams. Why? So I empower them with the knowledge and self-awareness to regulate their own choices. I am a great fan of those who accept ownership, accountability and responsibility. They are inspiring and admiring qualities.
I guarantee, we have all played the roles at some time in our work lives…. if you’re upfront with yourself. I hope that most of you recognize it. Your job as manager or leader is to ensure others understand the triad. Spend a good half an hour with your team on it. Refer them to this post. Get them talking about it.
Drive them, enable them, empower them…..
When I was managing projects I often discussed this model in the early days when people start whining, criticizing or defending others.
Below are typical statements, I’m sure you have your own examples. If you’re part of the conversation, you could be part of the triangle. Triangles are reinforced by the three sides.
THE DYSFUNCTIONAL TRIAD
Victim ("it was better under the old regime or project")
Persecutor (someone representing the cause of the Victim's apparent misery. ("Just do it!" You are being moved regardless), insensitive ("I don't care if…..)
Saviour The Saviour expresses concern ("yes, I know, I know,”), offers help ("I'll finish the job for you, it’s awful what they have done, they shouldn’t do that), and is the go-to person for everything, often and also known as the rescuer
The key is to be aware and not play the game.
ACTION
By actually talking action you get closer to what you really want in your work life.
Remember if nothing changes…. nothing changes
Journey well,
Matt Cartwright
Inspiring People, Inspiring Business, Inspiring Results
© Copyright 2008 -12
Blog Warning. You may find out something about yourself and….I had trouble keeping to a word limit on this post. I’m not apologizing, it’s just a warning.
I was witness to a memo today, only because of the high level of distress it caused in a colleague of mine. A classic all time smoke and mirrors job. Old school style really, but you still see it. The recipient’s names were not even attached, they were referred to as positions not people, no use of their personal names, and their position titles were incorrectly identified. “A Classic” and it was written by..... "Ahhh, I’m not going there….I don’t play those games"
It was unclear, it had no alignment to strategic or operational priorities and showed no concern for the welfare of this high performing and autonomous team. There was absolutely no respect or regard for these professionals or their work contribution. It was old school management operating in a contemporary paradigm.
So why do we still see this? Well let’s just say that in this case that person has been in a very senior role for a long time. You have to wonder why have they being perversely incentivized. That is, bad behaviour gets rewarded.
- Do you know what I mean?
- Have you seen it?
- Have you experienced it?
In discussion with my colleague, it was easy for me to be hooked into the saviour role, her level of distress was genuinely warranted. At a deeper level, it appeared like she may become the victim, the CEO was the bully and I began to assume the role of rescuer. But wait there is more…. I had no life jacket ….no rope….and no real desire to be taken down as well.
On this occasion, my role was to validate her feelings, express concerns about the situation and help her focus on what she had power, influence and control. It seems a little non-empathic, but it is reality. High performance people don’t hang on to negative people. You have 2 choices, stay or leave.
In the corporate, government and small business world poor management practice still exists and will for a long time yet to come. I’m being upfront. It is. Look at the behaviours of our officials in government. Look at what goes on in the tea room/coffee shop or smokers shack at work. What gets said?
Simply covert and overt bullying and conflict is not managed well.
Project teams are at enormous risk. People move from project to project and business to business.
One thing that you must understand is this. You must understand the interplay. If you don’t, you will be played, and the injuries and losses aren’t pretty.
The Karpman Drama Triangle was originally conceived by Stephen Karpman and was used to plot the interplay and behavioural moves between 2 or more people in conflict. I suggest you read his work.
The most common office and project team game that I observe is the game called the "Dysfunctional Triangle". There are three players: the Victim, the Persecutor, and the Rescuer.
What makes this dysfunctional triangle game interesting is that everyone changes roles.
In fact this model is used to describe bullying in schools and to help kids change their behaviours. This model is also used in domestic violence counseling. The paradigm has enormous merit.
I have taught this model to most of my clients and teams. Why? So I empower them with the knowledge and self-awareness to regulate their own choices. I am a great fan of those who accept ownership, accountability and responsibility. They are inspiring and admiring qualities.
I guarantee, we have all played the roles at some time in our work lives…. if you’re upfront with yourself. I hope that most of you recognize it. Your job as manager or leader is to ensure others understand the triad. Spend a good half an hour with your team on it. Refer them to this post. Get them talking about it.
Drive them, enable them, empower them…..
When I was managing projects I often discussed this model in the early days when people start whining, criticizing or defending others.
Below are typical statements, I’m sure you have your own examples. If you’re part of the conversation, you could be part of the triangle. Triangles are reinforced by the three sides.
THE DYSFUNCTIONAL TRIAD
Victim ("it was better under the old regime or project")
Persecutor (someone representing the cause of the Victim's apparent misery. ("Just do it!" You are being moved regardless), insensitive ("I don't care if…..)
Saviour The Saviour expresses concern ("yes, I know, I know,”), offers help ("I'll finish the job for you, it’s awful what they have done, they shouldn’t do that), and is the go-to person for everything, often and also known as the rescuer
The key is to be aware and not play the game.
- Think about how this might occur in your work area.
- What is your preferred role?
- When does it change?
ACTION
By actually talking action you get closer to what you really want in your work life.
- What roles do you play work?
- What roles do your team members play?
- Who are they?
- What behaviours need to stop?
- What behaviours need to start occurring?
- What behaviours will you change in yourself?
Remember if nothing changes…. nothing changes
Journey well,
Matt Cartwright
Inspiring People, Inspiring Business, Inspiring Results
© Copyright 2008 -12
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